This essay,
I'm Old
School,
is the twentieth in the complete group of
Experiences Of A Friend
(click
here
for the open group
Experiences Of A Friend II):
There are many aspects of
Werner's work
which people find attractive and
enrolling,
sometimes even irresistible, quantifying all of which would
require an enormous catalog, given everyone has their own particular
interest
in, personal
listening
for, and
opinion
about what it makes available. There are also aspects of
Werner's work
which some people don't find attractive - at least, aspects they don't
find attractive initially.
For the most part, the first time I heard about
Werner
and the possibility of
transformation,
it was ... well ... confronting. Being confronted was neither
attractive nor
enrolling
for me. But after a while I noticed it wasn't confronting
in and of itself. Rather my overall undistinguished (habituated, I
should add)
resistance
to letting go of tired old ways of being (which never
worked
anyway, which I often bemoaned, and yet which I somehow managed to hang
on to anyway) was confronting. I registered as soon as that became
obvious - and when I did, I wished I'd done so sooner.
One of the aspects of
participating
in
Werner's work
which some people don't find attractive (or so they tell me) is it
requires
participating
in a large group, the format in which most of
Werner's work
is delivered. They tell me they're not "group" people. I
can relate to that. It was one of my earlier concerns as well ie it was
one of my earlier confronts - although later, after telling the truth
about it unflinchingly, I began exchanging the
word
"concern" for "hold out", given that's really what it was: when I
shared later about what got me
interested
enough in
Werner's work
to want to register, I stopped saying my "concerns" about
participating
in
Werner's work
in a large group, were addressed (and they were), and instead started
saying I stopped "holding out". The former expression was covert. The
latter is accurate.
Taking a
closer
look, the stop to
participating
in
Werner's work
in a large group, broke up for me in two ways when I began to explore
it. The first is that we (that's me along with y'all) are each members
of the population of
Planet Earth,
an undeniably large group, yes? I began to sense a certain
inauthenticity
in myself (although I wasn't yet facile with the
word
"inauthenticity"
back then) for
eschewingparticipating
in large groups just because they're large groups. The second
came in an epiphany: I noticed the only
tools
I owned for examining my own thoughts, were my own thoughts.
I saw examining my own thoughts with my own thoughts was a
perpetually (and steadily bankrupting) downwardly progressing cycle, a
devolution
if you will. If my "spiritual journey" (which is what I called it at
the time, adding all due and appropriate heavy
significance to it ie which is the way I
conceptualized it at the time) was ever going to be
completed,
it would require becoming open to other people's inquiries also, and
speaking
openly about them with them
face to face.
It became very clear to me my congested thoughts needed fresh air. They
needed to be exposed to more than merely books. They needed to be
exposed to other people's input, contribution, coaching, and
conversation
- reading book knowledge, in other
words,
started to pale into insignificance, next to being open to sharing in
other people's experience. That's when my concern / hold out for
participating
in
Werner's work
in a large group, dropped away, opening me to the possibility of
registering.
I registered. I
participated
- still somewhat skeptical, I might add (I was the smart aleck,
the "know it all"). But at its
inexorable
conclusion, there was no doubt whatsoeverWerner
had brought home the centuries' elusive, effusive,
breathtaking
"who I really am"
(indeed, the
"who we all really are")
ie the
big "IT"
as in the phrase
"getting it
...", as easily and as effortlessly and as nonchalantly as if he'd just
returned from a leisurely stroll to the corner grocery store and
brought home a loaf of bread and a quart of milk.
That was nearly thirty seven years ago. From then on, everything I got,
I got from
being around Werner.
I've also
participated
in many of his
programs,
to be sure - and for me, they each newly confirmed a facet of who he
is, comprising the razor's edge of the distinction "people's
experience" (distinct from "book knowledge").
It still is the way for me today. It's a way that
works
for me. I've tested it, challenged it, tugged at it,
surrendered
to it, cheated on it, battled it in knock down, drag out yelling fits,
tried to disprove it, abandoned it,
resisted
it, picked it up again ... and it still
works
- no matter what I throw at it. And here's the thing: it's
alreadyworking
through all the tomorrows and through all the
futureslike a thread of possibility woven into the fabric of
time. Already
working.
Always
worked.
Always will.
It ie the
big "IT"
didn't need to discover that. I did.