Sometime in 1979 (it actually feels more like it was a bit earlier this
morning, but nevertheless sometime in 1979),
Werner
and I were alone in
the Franklin House,
his home in the Pacific Heights neighborhood of San Francisco, at
around about midnight. He was upstairs in his attic office, working on
material for the latest physics conference. I was about to leave
after a full eighteen hour day of assisting. An eighteen hour day of
assisting, is not work. It's a
privilege.
Fortuitously, we met in the kitchen. He offered me a midnight snack.
That's not the kind of invitation to which you say "OK let me check my
calendar to see if I'm available.". "Of course!" I said, without even
the cursoriest pause. A conversation then ensued which
inexorably
started
the process that brought his
work to South Africa, and the transformation of that country.
When it was time for me to go back home to my place in the Marina
district of San Francisco where I lived at the time, I did pause,
turned, and asked him "How may I better
serve
you?" (it's my
essential question).
He answered "Have a great life.".
Even now in 2024, it still feels more like it was a bit earlier this
morning (nevertheless it was sometime in 1979). It wasn't an exchange
that can or should ever be explained. Who answers,
if asked "What can I do for you?", with "Do something great for
yourself."? It hit me in the love. It wasn't so
much flip or clever, as it was profound. It epitomized for me
why
people,
when they're being around
great masters,
say they're struck by what
great human beingsthe masters
are, but when they're
being around Werner,
they say they're struck by what
a great human beingthey are.
Werner
hits you in the love. And when you're hit in the love, it's such an
enormous missed opportunity if you don't say it ie if you
don't communicate being hit in the love - verbally, and out loud.
The three words "I Love You" comprise that communication. Get over it.
Get over yourself. Say it. You're
a human being,
so in all likelihood it was the first communication you ever
withheld. And now that you're transformed, let it arguably be
your last. They say (ie whoever they are) that "You are
what you eat.". They also say "You are what you wear.". But what
if "No, you are what you say."? If so, there's a cost to
not saying I love you. Try that on for size.
I have never really known what it's like to not say I love
you. I'm not talking about only saying I love you when
the circumstances
merit it ie when the occasion warrants it. I'm talking about living
coming from "I Love You.". I've never known what
that's not like. Colloquially, "I Love You" is the
expression of feelings we have when we like someone (or something) a
lot ie a really lot. Colloquially "I Love You" comes and
goes. Colloquially "I Love You" happens.
The "I Love You" that comes and goes, the "I Love You" that happens (or
doesn't happen) is not the "I Love You" I'm talking about. The "I Love
You" I'm talking about is the expression of where we come from. It
requires neither feelings nor does it require liking a really lot
(those are just accoutrements - like side salads). Rather,
it's an expression of who we are. And to be clear, it's an
expression of who we are about who we are. So when I'm not
coming from "I Love You", I'm actually obfuscating / withholding my
true nature.
And
Life itself
has a way of throttling back on what's possible for us, when we
withhold our
true nature
ie when we don't communicate it. That's the context in which I'll
always say I love you. Living life any other way, is just plain not
worth it.
