Conversations For Transformation: Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

Conversations For Transformation

Essays By Laurence Platt

Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

And More

On Waking Up And Getting To Be My Self* All Over Again

Hall Rutherford, Auberge Road, Rutherford, California, USA

December 29, 2018

"It's mine, all mine!" ...

"Experience is simply evidence that I am here." ...

"I never wanted to be anybody else." ... Peter Fonda embodying Wyatt Williams, Easy Rider

This essay, On Waking Up And Getting To Be My Self All Over Again, is the companion piece to

The sun, not yet above the horizon, infinitesimally rises, oh so gradually lightening the interior of the Cowboy Cottage. Inky black gives way so slowly to dark, dark powder metal blue. Sensing the change, my eyes flicker open. Then, a few moments after they wake, so do I. "I'm still here" is the first automatic ie auto-nomic thought I hear. It's a new day, a new opportunity to be myself all over again. Restating that with rigor, it's a new opportunity to be ... my ... Self ... all over again.

<aside>

Yes, in colloquial English I do say "myself" when referring to who I am.

However in these Conversations For Transformation, there's simply not enough ownership of a critical distinction, in "myself". Check these out (ie speak them): "be ... my ... Self ..." simply works better than "be myself".

Actually "be ... the ... Self ..." may work best of all. Even the ancient sages, rishis, and mystics knew there's actually no individuation of the Self - but that's a subject for another conversation on another occasion.

<un-aside>

Wait! Is that possible? Is it even accurate? Is it really accurate to describe the automatic / autonomic response of waking up, as an opportunity to be my Self? Isn't an "opportunity" a seizable (yes "seizable" not "sizable") moment of compelling discontiguous possibility which is out of the ordinary? And even more pointedly, who can not be anything but their Self, however grammatically incorrect that may sound (and it isn't - which is to say it isn't grammatically incorrect in the dictionary of transformed language). Isn't being who you really are, just passé? Isn't it a bit of a stretch to regard being one's Self as an opportunity?

Try this on for size: it's actually more than accurate - it's much more. Transformation as the access to being the Self, is a kind of opportunity which when lived, is not merely an ordinary opportunity: it's an extra-ordinary opportunity. What it in fact is, is the only game in town.

It's ongoing, this accessing, this being, this living the Self, this ante-ing up to play the only game in town. It's what we were born into, long before any and all other interests, concerns, demands, and distractions entered into the equation. Just as it's human nature to miss its obviousness, so is it enlightening (ie it's like an "A-Ha!" moment) to re-discover it. Since I re-discovered it (thank you Werner), every new waking up is a new opportunity to get to be my Self all over again.

Listen: it's impossible to ignore the plethora of concerns Life itself calls us to handle and manage (it's actually more than that: it would be foolish to do so). The list of what it takes to survive in the world, is a seemingly endless, ruthless, relentless, and ever-expanding compendium. The truth is when we're not being the Self, none of our many endeavors are worthwhile. Experience (yours and mine) proves none of them in and of themselves, produce lasting fulfillment or enduring satisfaction (be unflinchingly honest: none of them do). That's the bad news. The good news is with each waking up, there's a new opportunity to create fulfillment and satisfaction all over again, regardless of whatever else our survival machinery dictates we attend to, handle, manage, put up with, get involved in, and / or be distracted by.

Yes, we're thrown to expect fulfillment and satisfaction to endure. Yes, we even have the sense we're entitled to them. In the face of all evidence to the contrary, both are foibles of being human. Look: the emperor isn't wearing any clothes! (no kidding). Even though they don't endure, there's a new opportunity daily (or hourly, or even more frequently if you want it) to create them all over again and ... again and ... again and ... again and ... again and ... again. It's the nature of being human to get fulfilled and satisfied, then to drift away from being fulfilled and satisfied - just as it's the nature of being the Self to be fulfilled and satisfied no matter what.

The ancient sages, rishis, and mystics reported this fundamental experience more than once. To the vedic pundits, the nature of who we really are ie the nature of the Self, is (in Sanskrit) "satchitananda" ("sat": absolute; "chit": consciousness; "ananda": bliss) - absolute bliss consciousness. And that's from five thousand years ago, if not more. So it can hardly be considered a new, novel distinction anymore. Yet every morning, waking up and getting to be the Self all over again, is a new, novel, miraculous, marvelous opportunity we get all over again. Seize it! The Self is all there is. Without it, nothing is worthwhile. With it, it's all worthwhile. All of it. Really.

As I've articulated them in this essay, "myself" ie my "self" (small ess) is distinct from my "Self" (capital ess):

when I'm being myself ie when I'm being my self, I'm located "in here", comprising

• my feelings / emotions
• my thoughts / memories, state of mind / attitude
• my bodily sensations
• my sense of "I" / "me"

when I'm being my Self, I'm located out-here, comprising

• everything there is - like a possibility

Postscript:

The presentation, delivery, and style of On Waking Up And Getting To Be My Self All Over Again are all my own work.

The ideas recreated in On Waking Up And Getting To Be My Self All Over Again, were first originated, distinguished, and articulated by Werner Erhard.

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