I am indebted to the Chief who inspired this conversation.
I don't know
why
You are
who You are
for me. I don't know
why
I am
who I am
for You. Yet You are. And I am. I can't explain it. I don't understand
it. When I try to describe it, there aren't
words
to map it. Even if I do come up with a
word
or two to share it, putting it into
words
only seems to diminish it. It's a
paradox:
what it gives is
language
... yet I can't reach it with
language.
It's the least definable thing in my life, this mystical connection
between You and I. Yet it's the one thing in my life I trust completely
- without question.
I notice when complete trust is the foundation, being can show up. When
there's no trust like that, it's easy to just get by and perhaps get
better, but it's hard to simply be. It's complete trust in this
mystical connection which allows being, which calls being forth. It
gives permission to be, always and all the time, rather than only when
being is agreed to, earned, or deemed deserved.
I like it when I'm with you. I like being in the same place as you. I
like being in the same space as you. They're such
amazing moments
in and out of time. They're pure
looking
moments.
They're worth staying up all night for and standing up all day for.
These
moments
when I'm with you delineate the end of old eras and the start of new
ones. Living toward
each moment
with you gives my life. Being with you gives where I come from. That's
the connection. But I don't have to be with you for it to be
that way. Even when I'm not with you, I'm with you. That's the
mystical. This mystical connection is in us and from us and in
the gap between us and in the space in front of us and who knows why,
or what it is. That's the way it is with this sort of thing for us
human beings.
When I realize I don't need you, it's the highest compliment I can pay
you. You grant me total space, total freedom. You are that I am
who I am.
If I say I don't need you, it's an assertion of gratitude and total
love, a love which grows and grows and grows and then just when I think
it can't possibly grow more, I look and I see it's grown exponentially
more. You're closer to me in love when I don't need you, than you could
ever possibly be if I needed you.
But then I look again and I ask myself "Is it true? Do I
really not need you? Is that really the truth
for me?". Isn't that like asking oxygen whether I need it or not? To be
sure, I have my own life and
creativity
and responsibility distinct from oxygen, just as I have my own life and
creativity
and responsibility distinct from this mystical connection. Yet it's
patently clear that without oxygen, none of this goes well. When I
inquire into that, I become clear about whether I need you ... or not.
That's when I get it. That's when I become serene. That's when I'm at
peace. That's when I surrender.
