If I
speak
or
write
that someone has become friend, it's not slight or patronizing.
Nor is it a slip of the tongue. Nor is it a typo (I don't mean
"a" friend). A line's crossed when someone I know, an
associate, a colleague, becomes friend. And he did cross a line.
There was the specific moment when it registered with me that he was
friend. One day he wasn't (which is to say one day I didn't know I
would know him as friend). The next day he was (and I did). What made
him friend more than just associate or colleague is he got what I do
and supported me doing it. Then he
declared
himself friend which left no doubt.
He recognized that I provide a certain kind of
speaking
/ conversation which calls for
a certain kind of
listening
that can test its mettle. I can go to him and
speak
or read something I'm working on, then ask him "How did that land for
you?". He
listensfrom the
listening
of hundreds if not thousands of people ie he
listens
me from
the listening
I'll be
speaking
it into. You've heard of that expression "Take it out on the track for
a test drive", yes? He became my track.
In my world,
support like his is extraordinary, a remarkable gift, a contribution
for which I'm profoundly grateful. It resonates deeply with me, showing
me that what I assume is
personal
is rarely unique, never as
personal
as it seems ie as I make it out to be. The things that occur for me as
personal,
all those things which seem to be mine and mine alone to deal with, are
often not as
personal
nor as private as I might think they are. If I'm dealing with something
that occurs as unique to my situation in life (ie unique for
moi), the odds are quite good that not just a few people are
dealing with the same thing but that thousands if not
millions are. And with what I do, the latter is always in
play in and as
Conversations For Transformation.
When I deal with what I have to deal with, not as something
personalmoi alone is dealing with but as something human all
people deal with, I can
observe
it true*the context
of
my life.
That's
the way he listens me.
He listens me
so that I deal with what I'm dealing with as if it's a
human thing and not as if it's only a
Laurence thing. When I run my concerns by him, the first
thing he'll do is remind me (with
laser-like accuracy
ie
unerringly)
"But it's not just you Laurence.". With him, that's not
uttered as a criticism. It's never as a put down. On the
contrary, it's a reminder of my / our humanity, the bigger picture of
the condition in which all people live. And since that's the space I'm
speaking
into, it alters my perspective, giving me
far greater access
to deploying this material authentically,
masterfully.
Arguably the bottom rung on the ladder to authenticity and
mastery
is to recognize none of this is
personal,
that this is not about moi, that it's not just you.
But it's more than that, it's a whole lot more. Recognizing (if you
listen friend's reminder) that it's not just you, is freedom from
the trap
of living life as just moi. In
the trap
of living life as just moi, there's no wiggle room for being any
other way like a possibility. Hasn't
the universe
been cranking out people for millennia, each with their own life, each
with their own moi? Somewhere along the way, we allowed
ourselves to get distracted by what we're dealing with
personally,
as if it's somehow unique, somehow special. But look: either everyone
is unique / everyone is special, or none of us are, yes?
The universe
isn't focused on moi.
Mastery
is living aligned with what
the universe
does - and it does what it does anyway, whether moi is
aligned with it, or not. What friend does is tease out the possibility
of living life aligned with what
the universe
does anyway. So it's not just you after all. It's not about moi.
Oh, what a relief!
*
Merriam-Webster's dictionary
allows "true" as a transitive verb: to make level, square,
balanced, or concentric; bring or restore to a desired mechanical
accuracy or form.