"Happiness is almost not worth talking about because the instant you
turn happiness into a goal, it isn't attainable any more. In other
words happiness isn't something you can work toward. It isn't
something you can put someplace and overcome
barriers
to get to. It is something that happens in an instant. And
the truth
of the matter is that you can alter your state of happiness by simply
choosing to be willing to have it be the way it is."
...
"You have to bring happiness to life. You don't get happiness out of
life. What is there to be happy about? Nothing. When you can be happy
about nothing. Just be happy. You know 'I am happy' - those words are
sacred. It's like a declaration, it's like a place from which I come,
it's like a stand I take upon myself. It's not I am pretending to be
happy, it's not I am acting happy. No. I am happy!"
...
This essay,
Happiness 101 II,
is the companion piece to
On Being Happy.
It was conceived and written at the same time as
Happiness 101.
It's assumed that in life, you'll be happy when you get what you want.
That's all well and good ... until it begs the question: what of being
happy if you don't get what you want? Ask any retiree, any
AARP (American Association of Retired
Persons) affiliate. It's a rude awakening to
discover
after a lifetime of hard work, that you haven't (yet) gotten what you
want, and so you're not any happier than when you first started out all
those years ago. What's just happened is that upon further
reflection,
you've
discovered
that happiness may not be getting what you want after all.
And even if it were, what of those times when what you want
isn't available (like when what you want is sunshine ... and
it's raining)?
The question has become: if you can't (and therefore don't) get what
you want, does it preclude you from being happy? Is there really a
causal relationship
between getting what you want, and being happy?
All things being even, if we were to tweak our notion of what it is to
be happy, it may not be by declaring what it is that we want, and then
by assessing whether or not we're getting it. It may rather be by
completely revising what it is that we consider happiness to be in the
first place. This revision may include considering (and adopting)
Werner's
access
to happiness, which is
by simply choosing to be
willing to have it be the way it is.
It's also been said colloquially that "Happiness isn't
getting what you want: it's wanting what you get.". That's just
a tad too whimsy for me (whimsy is fine, but not when it distracts from
the profundity at hand). It's also too lyrical for me, not
to mention a little too
personal.
And happiness isn't
personal.
The state of happiness / being happy, is available to all
human beings.
Making it
personal
just adds arrogance (and being happy, if it's to be worth anything, is
never arrogant).
So you may not always get what you want. And the odds of being happy
are pretty low if happiness is getting what you want. But life will
always be the way it is. Things will always be the way they are -
whichever way they are. And you can always choose to be willing to have
it be the way it is. Then the odds of being happy are high. If
happiness is choosing to be willing for it be the way it is, rather
than getting what you want, it's available
24 / 7 / 365.
That's powerful, really powerful. The way it is, at any
moment in time, is always the way it is. That's clear, obvious,
relentless.
And how could it ever not be the way it is? How could the
way it is, ever not be the way it is? That tells you that no matter
what's going on, within you and without you (as The Beatles may have
said), no matter whether you like what's going on or not, no matter
whether you regard it as bad or good or not, no matter whether it's
your first preference or not, it's what's going on. If happiness
as getting what you want is risky at best, then wanting it the way it
is, at any time, at any moment,
under all circumstances
is sublime, bringing with it happiness effortlessly, assuredly,
unfailingly, unflaggingly. The larger context is
advantageous.
If you can switch from angling to get what you want, to wanting it the
way it is, you're assured of always getting what you want. In a sense,
getting what you want is a major component of what happiness is. But
it's not the total of it. And given the dictatorial nature of life,
it's not likely to bend to your whims. It calls for a certain
Zen
stand to get this and its possibility in totality. But it is getable.
And when you get it, a
light bulb
will come on, and you'll be happy.
