On occasion when I spoke with
my father
about
Werner
and what
his work
makes available for
people
etc he openly expressed his skepticism. "Things are the way they are"
he would say (but without any possibility). He already knew that truth
about life (and what
a great truth
it is!). We also talked about the way things occur for us
as a function of
the context
in which we hold them. And look: it's we who are
the creators
of
our contexts,
so it's we who are
the creators
of the way things are / occur for us. That's when he sounded the most
skeptical. I didn't argue with him.
It worked.
My father later allowed us to be complete. It was
an extraordinary gift.
There's
no gift greater than the
gift
of being complete. The
idea
of being complete is central to
Werner's work.
Without realizing
the vast
profundity of it, being complete was
the priceless giftmy father
gave us. This is what unfolded when
I invited him
to try it on.
When he was dying, I realized that there was still much in our
our relationship
that was incomplete, unknown, not talked about, outright avoided, or
covert etc, and I wondered if we could complete it all before he died.
Given his
resistance
to
Werner's work,
I had my doubts. So
I invited him:
"I'm inviting you"
I told him "to have
our relationship
be complete so that after we die, neither of us will have any regrets
that we didn't have it be totally complete while both of us were
still alive.".
I told him I had conceived of four conversations which we could have,
the result of which would be both of us being complete in
our relationship.
The first conversation would be
him sharing with me
everything he had wanted to tell me, but never did. The second
conversation would be
me sharing with him
everything I had wanted to tell him, but never did. The third
conversation would be him asking me everything he had wanted to ask me,
but never did. The fourth conversation would be me asking him
everything I had wanted to ask him, but never did. Then I
satquietly
... and waited.
Somewhat cautiously, he agreed (given his view of
Werner's work,
it was an act of generosity from him). And he went along with me, and
actually got into it more and more as we progressed. And when it was
over, when there was nothing left unsaid or unknown between us, we were
totally, finally, absolutely complete. It was palpable.
You could sense it.
The gift
he gave us by
participating
with me that way, went way beyond me being merely complete with
my father
and him with me. It opened
the world
of what's possible between
people
when
their relationships
are complete. After that, I made it
my business
to get complete with every person on
the planet
with whom I was not complete.
My life
would never be the same after that. That was
my father's
gift
to me.
The take-away from all this is: do whatever you need to do now to have
your life be complete when you die. Whether that's
sharing
everything you've been holding back or asking whatever you haven't
asked, do it now. And although it's
true
that we have
the access
to completing with
people
even after they've died, there's something really wonderful and
powerful which is available if you get it handled while both of you are
still alive
ie still
present
ie still here. Be complete when you die. Don't leave
incompletion as your legacy for your family and friends to deal with
after you've died.
Take full
responsibility
for it now.