My experience of managing my life is like my experience of managing
my house. It's a big house - to be sure. It's at least as big as
our planet.
It's possibly as
vast
as the universe. But this conversation isn't a disclosure of how
many square feet my house comprises. It's really an
observation
of all the choices I had in
creating
my house the way it is. It's also an
observation
of all the choices I have for remodeling my house now
newly, given that it's turned out the way it has.
One possibility for my house is it was built by me, perfectly to my
specifications, exactly to my liking. Another possibility is it's
just the house I ended up owning without having
anything to do with how it got to be this way. In other
words,
it's the house I ended up living in without being responsible for
the way it was built.
It's the second option which grabs my
attention.
That's the one which
wakes me up.
This is an uncomfortable truth to tell, frankly. It's the truth
about which elements of my life for which I'm now totally and
solely responsible, I didn't have any clear choice in
creating
ie I didn't take any responsibility for
creating.
It's brutal confronting how my life turned out in
those areas for which I didn't take full responsibility. There are
also those areas in which I sensed I had some
responsibility, yet didn't take responsibility for them at the time
- which is to say I didn't
wake up
to my responsibility in the matter until it was too late. By
then, many of those areas of my life which were once malleable and
easy to rearrange, had coalesced, gelled, solidified in
place.
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