Conversations For Transformation:
Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
Conversations For Transformation
Essays By Laurence Platt
Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
And More
Smaller As A Person
Bilco's Billiards And Darts, Napa, California, USA
January 4, 2016
1) "When my
integrity
is lacking, I am
clear
that I just got to be a bit smaller as a person. That keeps me
working
on my
integrity.
And the thing about
integrity
is it's a
mountain
with no top."
...
2) "People generally are unaware that the cost of their
out-of-integrity
behavior is a diminution of themselves ie that their
out-of-integrity
behavior leaves them a smaller person (leaves them with less
power,
and therefore with the need for more force)."
...
3) "And, by the way, you can forget about having
integrity
until any
'out-of-integrity'
occurs for you as a diminution of yourself."
...
This essay,
Smaller As A Person,
is the fourteenth in a group of twenty three on
Integrity:
That said, what follows is a shared
personal
inquiry of mine, and is not
intended
to be "The
Truth"
about
integrity,
or (worse) as something to
believe.
Two Aspects Of Being Diminuted
I
began
looking at what it is to be smaller as a person when my
integrity
is lacking. I'm
clear
it's a
powerful
place on which to
stand
and from which to look ie it's a
powerfulplace to standperiod. There's a marked diminution in
who I am
when I'm out of
integrity.
But I hadn't ever examined exactly what this diminution is ie what its
characteristics are,
the way
it
shows up
etc. Then as I
began
looking, I noticed there seem to be two aspects of being diminuted
when I'm out of
integrity
ie there seem to be two possible ways in which I can
relate
to his assertion (to be sure, there may be more than two: if I
distinguish others, I'll share them with you).
The first is
the way
in which I regard my own
actions
(and in all likelihood,
the way
others regard my
actions)
when I'm out of
integrity.
And remember, being out of
integrity
is almost always knowingly chosen ie it's almost always willful ie it's
almost always
deliberate.
Now even if I try to deny this and try to hide from it, and instead say
being out of
integrity
is not chosen ie it's not willful ie it's not
deliberate
ie that being out of
integrity
is unconscious, then I can't deny that staying out
of
integrity
and not restoring
integrity
as soon as I realize I'm out of
integrity,
is always willful ie is always
deliberate
and is never unconscious.
The way
in which I know that my own
actions
(and, in all likelihood,
the way
others know that my
actions)
make me a smaller person when I'm out of
integrity,
is by recognizing that being in
integrity
is the bigger choice - in fact it's the
required choice if I'm going to
play
a bigger
game.
If I tell the
truth
about it, I almost always know when I'm out of
integrity.
And when I know I'm out of
integrity,
I always know I have the choice to drop that particular
out-of-integrity
behavior. And others always know I have the choice to drop
that particular behavior also. It's eminently obvious to me (and
sometimes it's eminently obvious to everyone else as well) when I'm out
of
integrity
and whether or not I choose to stay out of
integrity.
There's no avoiding it. There's no place to hide!
The second is
the way
in which I experience
who I am
as smaller as a person - that is to say
the way
I experience my own being as smaller as a person (or, if
you prefer,
the way
I feel my own
presence
as diminuted) when I'm out of
integrity.
When I'm out of
integrity,
and particularly when I'm out of
integrity
and I
know
I'm out of
integrity
(in a moment I'll give an example of how you can be out of
integrity
and notknow
you're out of
integrity),
my
attention
is constantly distracted by it as if I'm inseparably
attached
to it by a rubber band: no matter how the drift of my life always goes
out-here,
it keeps yanking me back in-here (if you will) resulting
in an almost physical sensation of being constricted, fettered and not
free
which (try as I might) I can't shake till I've restored whatever
integrity
needs to be restored.
During my tenure as a
technical trainer
with
Laurence Platt and
Associates,
I presented
week long seminars
for the
mainframe computer
programming
staff of
many of the
Fortune 500 group of companies,
and for others like the IRS ie the Internal Revenue
Service in particular. It was there that I learned some
interesting facts about the United States tax code. For example,
remember the time you gleefully picked up that
dollar
bill you found on the sidewalk and put it in your wallet? According to
the United States tax code, that
dollar
you picked up was taxable income. Don't
believe
me? Check it out for yourself, or ask your accountant.
Did you declare that
dollar
on your tax return? Probably not. Yet when you didn't do so, you were
in violation of the United States tax code and therefore also out of
integrity.
Even if you weren't aware of that particular stipulation
in the United States tax code, you were still out of
integrity
if you didn't declare that
dollar
as taxable income on your tax return. Yes, you can be out of
integrity
and consequently smaller as a person, even if you don't
know you're out of
integrity.
I've taken on restoring my
integrity
whenever and wherever it becomes obvious to me I'm out of
integrity
- for no other reason other than being out of
integrity
leaves me smaller as a person ie being out of
integrity
leaves me diminuted as a
human being.
Being in
integrity
is an ongoing, never-ending process, and (to
quoteWerner)
integrity
is a
mountain
with no top. So being in
integrity
is like climbing a
mountain
with no top.
No, it's more than that actually. It's being in
integrity
is like climbing a
mountainwhich keeps growing taller as I climb it
(really it is) so I'll never reach the top.
