I am indebted to Lawrence Eugene "Larry" Bangs who inspired this
conversation.
The way you get
transformation
is by word of mouth. I mean that literally. Not idiomatically.
Transformation
doesn't travel by word of mouth like rumor or like
gossip
for example. If it did, you'd get
transformation
by talking about it. If it did, you'd get
transformation
by reading about it in a book.
Transformation.
travels by word of mouth like speaking and
listening, arguably the essential distinctions of
transformation.
In contradistinction, speaking
transformation
is inventing
transformation
in a face to face conversation in which
presence of Self
is a requirement (call it evidence) for the conversation
to have validity and authenticity. In street parlance, speaking
transformation
is epitomized by both talking the talkandwalking the walk.
These assertions are the background of this conversation. There's also
a corollary coming from them which is this: when I authentically speak
transformation,
I'm naturally attractive.
I'm clear you facilitate, you forward the action when I
speak
transformation,
by listening. I distinguish listening as "hearing with
intention". By listening ie by hearing with intention, you create a
space in which authentic
transformationshows up.
Please notice I'm saying "by listening" and not "by
listening to". The difference is subtle yet profound, the
fleshing out of which is a subject for another conversation on another
occasion.
By keeping the space open ie by listening rather than by listening
to,
transformationshows up.
When
transformationshows up,
being it's so moving and so attractive, there's an unexamined
tendency to attach to it, to make it special, to
make it significant.
You can recognize those who've made it their business to
sourcetransformation,
as follows: in addition to speaking
transformation,
they're slippery. In other words, the way they are doesn't
support you being attached to them. It could be said not
supporting you being attached to them is what differentiates an
authentic
source
of
transformation
from a guru. That's not because a
source
of
transformation
isn't engaging when they're speaking
transformation.
On the contrary, if you're really speaking
transformation,
being engaging goes with the territory. If you're
not being engaging when speaking
transformation,
then you're not speaking
transformation,
powerfully. Or, more to the point, if you're not being engaging when
speaking
transformation,
then you're not speaking
transformation
at all.
Be careful. This being engaging when speaking
transformation
doesn't equate with being a good persuader or with being
transformation
a strong motivator or with being a powerful debater who wins arguments
or with being a so-called confident person who can tell a
good joke well or who's a great emcee or a toastmaster or
"the life of the party". Being engaging in the way I'm speaking it,
naturally occurs with people who are
presencing Selfbecause of the true nature of Self. And here's the thing: with
this being engaging, goes being slippery. It's a
paradox,
a collusion of seemingly opposite qualities: when speaking
transformation,
being engaging goeswith being slippery (as
Alan Watts
may have said).
Being slippery isn't avoiding intimacy. Neither is it being
unreachable. It's not being unavailable. Being slippery actually comes
from integrity. Coming from integrity, speaking
transformation
requires being responsible for any attachment others may lay on you ie
on your speaking. As soon as there's attachment, there's an impediment
to inventing
transformationlike a possibility. As natural as it is to become attached to
the
source
of
transformation
given how attractive and
movingtransformation
is, attachment gets in the way of being
transformed.
Attachment or transference to
source
is a magnetism to be reckoned with, a barrier to be carefully
circumnavigated. It's to be responsible for. It's not to be helped,
fixed, or saved from. Yes it may seem like a good
idea to help, fix, or save people from attachment. But it doesn't do
any good - really! If anything, helping, fixing, and
saving only prolong and enhance attachment. Helping, fixing, and saving
play to transference. Playing to transference is exactly
what keeps transference going. Playing to transference keeps
transformation
at bay - with
deadly
efficiency. Helping, fixing, and saving people from attachment,
although well-intentioned, keeps people stuck. However not being
the target of attachment (which requires deliberately
gettingoutoftheway
of transference) empowers people like a possibility.
Service
This is the art, the dance of the master: speaking
transformation
while at the same time getting out of the way of transference - that is
to say, transference which is an automatic reaction to
hearing
transformation
ie an automatic reaction to listening
transformationwithout intention.
The next time you're in
Conversations For
Transformation
with someone who's a
source
of
transformation
for you, and you have the
interpretation
they're hard to hold or elusive to pin down or impossible to manipulate
or tough to involve in whatever it is you're attached to -
in a word, they're slippery - consider by being this way
they're actually doing you a great service.