I am indebted to John Hunter who contributed material for this
conversation.
In conversations about health, it's said "you are what you eat.". In
conversations about wealth, it's said "you are what you wear.".
In fact, you're neither. Both "you are what you eat" and "you are what
you wear" are merely
interpretation
of who you are - that is to say, "you are what you eat" and "you are
what you wear" are simply representations ie symbols of
who you are.
The truth is probably closer to
"you are what you
speak.".
And that's a subject for another conversation on another occasion - for
many other conversations on many other occasions, actually, because
arguably you're not what you speak either, although I could make a
strong case for "you are the
clearing
in which speaking
shows up".
But I digress ...
If there's an art to eating well, for me it's the art of
discovering uniquely what promotes health and vitality in my body. As I
look closer at this, what I notice is both health and vitality, as
fundamental as they are for supporting my
life working,
are really only secondary to what I develop.
What I develop are
Conversations For
Transformation
ie language in which
who I really am
- in other words, language in which
who we really
are
- manifests, becomes tangible and makes a difference. Health and
vitality provide an essential
backdrop
to this expression of
who I really am.
Yet they're not
who I really am.
They're essential supports of the expression of
who I really am
being gotten - supports, that is, when they don't get in the
way of ie when they don't interfere with the expression of
who I really am
being gotten. What I eat, when it promotes health and vitality in my
body as a foundation for supporting the expression of
who I really am
being gotten, is what defines eating well for me.
If there's an art to dressing well, for me it's the art of wearing
clothes in styles, fabrics, colors, and textures which primarily are
functional, and secondarily provide a
backdrop
to the expression of
who I really am.
I'm not what I wear.
Who I really am
is communication, transformation, and freedom.
Some clothes in certain styles, fabrics, colors, and textures support
this expression being gotten - support, that is, when they don't
get in the way of ie when they don't interfere with
who I really am
being gotten. Others, by drawing attention to themselves, just get in
the way of
who I really am
being gotten ie they distract fromwho I really am
being gotten. Those functional wardrobe elements which don't distract
from
who I really am
being gotten, define dressing well for me.
There's more to clearing the arena for authentic full Self
expression than managing diet, health and vitality, and my wardrobe.
There's also giving upinauthentic
behavior.
The powerful discovery of my
inauthentic
behavior comes secondarily from others pointing it out to me. The
powerful discovery of my
inauthentic
behavior comes primarily from my own distinguishing which
of my own behaviors I myself deem
inauthentic.
Essentially, I'm behaving
inauthentically
when I'm trading aliveness for survival. The idea
of trading aliveness for survival has also been touted as a definition
of evil. However, to define
inauthentic
behavior as behavior which trades aliveness for survival is
good enough for
jazz.
Notice this distinction
inauthentic
isn't worth much unless you get it as a result of observing your own
behavior. That's when it has some power. That's when I can avoid or
discontinue circumstances or situations which
don't further authenticity and / or don't support
life working.
For example, in the early stages of rehabilitation, it's
counterproductive being around people who consume alcohol. That's not a
statement of value judgement about people who consume alcohol. Rather,
in the context of rehabilitation, it's just what
works.
Managing diet, health and vitality, and my wardrobe, and in addition
giving up behavior which is
inauthentic
is what I call pruning both sides of the hedge - to
coin a (new) phrase. Let's say on that side of the hedge,
I maintain an appropriate diet and take care of my body because it
provides a foundation of health and vitality which doesn't get in the
way of
who I really am
being gotten. And let's say on that side of the hedge, I
manage my presentation by dressing in a way ie by choosing
my wardrobe in a way which provides a
backdrop
which doesn't get in the way of
who I really am
being gotten. And let's say on that side of the hedge, I
manage my circumstances and therefore my
associations by, as far as possible, putting myself only
in circumstances which don't get in the way of
who I really am
being gotten. Currently the newspapers are having a field day with a
certain once revered golfing figure who allowed himself to be
surrounded by circumstances inconsistent with
who he really is,
or at least inconsistent with who people consider him to be.
It's the latter, now playing out so glaringly in the eyes of the whole
world, which can have a terrible and tragic impact on his
life working
or not.
If that side of the hedge was the only side of the hedge I
pruned, I'd regard it as fixating on looking good, obsessing
with surviving my image, both of which are the very definition
of behaving
inauthentically
ie of trading aliveness for survival. There's this side of
the hedge, my
inauthenticity,
to be pruned also. Both sides of the hedge require pruning. If I'm
being
inauthentic,
changing my eating habits and my wardrobe doesn't make much difference
to my
inauthenticity.
If I'm being authentic, poor eating habits and an inappropriate
wardrobe interfere with the expression of
who I really am
being gotten.
Clearly, pruning that side of the hedge is an important
aspect of what it takes to simply get along in the world.
Just notice it doesn't really take much to look good, pruning only
that side of the hedge. Just notice it doesn't really take
much to survive one's image, pruning only that side of the
hedge. And once you start telling the truth about it, you'll notice
almost all behavior, especially all behavior which prunes
only that side of the hedge, is
inauthentic.
Rather than pruning only that side of the hedge,
it's pruning that side of the hedge and
this side of the hedge which tips the scales from merely
looking good, from merely surviving my image, and from behaving
inauthentically,
to behaving authentically and supporting the expression of
who I really am
being gotten. It's the willingness to prune both sides of
the hedge which separates the women from the girls and the men from the
boys.