"Usually we
think
of possibility as options. While this is in some sense true,
possibility also exists on a deeper level of abstraction, a level
which actually defines which options are permissible."
...
"If you're a listening for it, if you're a
clearing
for it, if you really get it, that quote is arguably
the essential
Werner Erhard quote."
It is also the sequel to
On Feeling Good About Feeling Bad: Manifesto
III.
During the more than
forty years
I've shared
Werner's workworldwide,
people have been extraordinarily
generous
with me.
Generous?
How? In what way?
Generous
in affording me the gift of intimacy - intimacy in the sense of being
willing to let me in, in the sense of allowing me to listen and to get
and to experience what's so for them, what's true, and what's real,
without filtering, without holding back, without spinning, without
doctoring their experience and trying to be cool or look good.
I experience that as a very personal gift. Let's face it: it
is a gift, and it's rare. Granted it's not rare in the
extraordinary context of
Werner's work.
But in our ordinary day to day interactions with ordinary everyday
people, it is rare
(think
subway faces, elevator faces ... you get the picture). It's more than
that actually: it's outright naïve to expect all people to always
be willing and open and
generous
in this way - and yet we all know some will be (and the rest will be,
once they're
graduates).
One of the things I often notice about these intimate conversations is
they'll start off with the person who's sharing, making a false
assumption that their particular experience is unique to them. Then
they're somewhat surprised, taken aback, and / or even
relieved to discover what they considered to be uniquely
their experience, is actually de rigueur for many, many
other people too, at least for many, many other people who also tell
the truth unflinchingly about their experience. An example:
Although we may be loathe to admit it outside of a trusted context of
intimacy, for many of us the worst time of our day is when
we
wake up
in the morning. Honest! Once we're
awake
(which is to say once we realize we're
awake),
the first things we may notice are feelings of loneliness, depression,
and despair. Automatically. The opening chimes of the day! For no
apparent reason. We languish under them. We
think
it means
something's
wrong.
And we're thrown to try to
fixwhat's wrong.
And one of the ways we try to
fix
this morning malaise (if you will) is by deferring to
diving into our day and / or to seeking out friends. And we hope and
wish that doing so will relegate our feelings of loneliness,
depression, and despair so far into the background as to disappear them
from the radar of our
front and
center
experience.
To be clear, both
getting into action
and seeking out friends, are tried-and-true ways of dealing with the
morning malaise. They work. Yet upon closer inspection, it may be they
both only address the symptoms and not the systemic
cause. Look: you're in a pretty high place when you can hold your
feelings as just your automatic feelings and not as who
you are. In a very real sense, our feelings aren't personal.
"You don't ask 'Why
Me?' when it's raining"
said Werner
(Gee! I hope you get that - when he said it to me, it altered what's
possible for my life). What is it then, to address the systemic cause
in this instance? Even before seeking out friends, consider taking on
being your own best friend. In all likelihood, that's what was
missing in the first place. No, this isn't merely positive
thinking.
OK, so what's the difference?
There's a world of difference between seeking out friends in whose
presence and company the morning malaise disappears, and taking on
being your own best friend even when surrounded by friends
(in which case, the morning malaise is excepted). Watch: the former
comes from and is predicated on taking on
fixing;
the latter comes from and is grounded in taking on being already whole
and complete, on growing up, on taking responsibility for my life, on
taking care of myself. Really.
