I am indebted to amanda "blue" leigh who inspired this conversation.
It's a classic process, a staple, a
workhorse
of many retreats. It's the inquiry
"Who are you?".
You sit opposite a partner who asks
"Who are you?".
You answer, perhaps saying your name: "I'm Laurence.". Your partner
says "Thank you Laurence.
Who are you?".
You answer again, this time saying what you do for a living: "I'm a
winery
tour
driver.
I
drivewinery
tours.". Your partner says "Thank you.
Who are you?".
This time you answer, maybe saying what you
create:
"I'm a
writer.
I
writeConversations For
Transformation.".
Your partner says "Thank you Laurence.
Who are you?".
You answer, hesitant, perhaps saying what you feel (who you consider
yourself to be, may be what you feel ie you may consider
yourself to be your feelings): "I feel like I don't
belong.". Your partner says "Thank you.
Who are you?".
And so it goes, on and on -
relentlessly,
deeper and deeper - until something fundamental, something
profound is realized.
Then the roles are reversed. You ask your partner
"Who are you?".
Your partner answers. You say "Thank you.
"Who are you?"
... and so it goes, on and on - for hours and hours and hours.
Who am I?
I mean really? If I answer this question (especially with
you
listening),
should I first issue a spoiler alert? No. Here's
why:
spoiler alerts are for situations when knowing in advance how it's
going to turn out, diminishes the experience - if I reveal a thriller
movie's plot's twists and turns before you see it, for example.
This isn't that. At worst, knowing in advance how I answered the
question
"Who are you?"
before you answer the question
"Who are you?"
may add a few concepts to your lexicography. But there's no spoiler
powerful enough to get in the way of your own experience
of the
"Who are you?"
inquiry as you get
close
to its
inexorable,
inevitable conclusion, hence no spoiler alert is needed.
So: as for
who I really am
(I mean
who I really am)
- not my name, not what I do for a living, not what I
create,
not my feelings, not my
internal states,
not my body, not my sex, not my
beliefs,
not that with which I
identify
(which necessitates first distinguishing "that with which I
identify",
a subject for another conversation on another occasion) - I assert
who I really am
is my
word
in the matter.
Not confronting ie avoiding the possibility of
who you really are
as your
word
in the matter, leads down a
slippery
slope. To use the analogy of a certain
belief
system, it leads to many, many, many reincarnated
lifetimes (at very least this lifetime) lived not knowing
who you really are.
Sharing any expression of who I consider myself to be, whether I say my
name is who I consider myself to be, whether I say what I do for a
living is who I consider myself to be, whether I say what I
create
is who I consider myself to be, whether I say my feelings are who I
consider myself to be, whether I say my
internal states
are who I consider myself to be, whether I say my body is who I
consider myself to be, whether I say my sex is who I consider myself to
be, whether I say my
beliefs
are who I consider myself to be, whether I say that with which I
identify
is who I consider myself to be, in fact saying ie sharing
any expression of who I consider myself to be, requires
me to say / speak /
language
my expression of who I consider myself to be.