conversation
wasn't unique. She
spoke
about things I had heard before. While they were
personal
and
private
for her,
sitting
in front of me echoing those same sentiments, may have been any
number of different people. I'm not talking about a few hundred.
I'm talking about
millions.
What she expressed was disappointment with
family,
the crux of which is an age old conundrum:
the way it is
with
family
may not mesh with
the way
we know it's s'posed to be. In other
words,
what we all know is
possible
for
family,
is maybe different than
the way it is.
Something is associated with family, particularly with the biology of family, that's special. The fact we're bound by blood, the fact we're parents and child, brother and sister, won't change or go away. Ever. Crushes come. And crushes go. But new siblings alter the universe forever. Therein lie great expectations. And great expectations may come with great disappointments. I suggested to her "You don't do a lot creating ie generating yourself as family, do you? You were just born into it, yes? Yet if you look and see, all the very good stuff in life is the result mostly from an act of creating ie from a generating act.". Somehow, we all fall afoul of a big misconception: that because family is essentially a biological bond, that we're excused ie that we're let off the hook of having (ie we don't need) to create it ie we do not have to generate it. Look: why generate family if it already exists? Indeed why. But that is precisely the point! Then she told me I was lucky to have the kind of family I have. She seemed to not get what I had said. And what slipped out of my mouth was "Oh, lucky se voet.". That's an Afrikaans idiom. I've not spoken Afrikaans in decades though I did grow up in South Africa fluent in it. There's an English idiom "My foot.". It's deployed to express contradiction - as in "Lucky my foot.". It's kind of like the American expression "Not" - as in "Lucky not.". That's the Afrikaans "Lucky se voet" (pronounced "Lucky suh foot", translating to "Lucky's foot" ie "The heck with lucky"). When she called me lucky to have the kind of family I have, my "Lucky se voet" retort was a playful correction without being unkind. My authority on luck, South African golf living legend Gary Player, famously said "The harder I practice, the luckier I get.". I like that. I like it a lot. Gary got where he got, not because of luck, but because he stays in the game and he practices. |
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