I am indebted to Clare Erhard-Trick who inspired this conversation.
No matter how often I tell myself that none of this has any intrinsic
meaning outside of what I make it mean, I forget it sometimes. No,
that's not really
the truth.
The truth
is I forget it a lot. I forget that things in themselves /
events in themselves (at least my projected outcome of events in
themselves) aren't as bad as what I make things mean or what I make
events mean. What I make things / events mean, is always worse than the
things / events themselves.
I forget that I add meaning to things and events, no matter how much
I'm
clear
that that's what I do, no matter how much I realize
the folly
of doing it. It's human nature to do it and then to forget we do
it (it's certainly my nature to forget I do it).
And whenever I forget I do it, I'm stuck with the meaning I added to
things / events that they themselves don't intrinsically have. Whenever
I'm stuck with it, I deploy one or two go-to ways of
getting myself unstuck from it
(in truth
there are certainly more than two ways that would get me unstuck - but
these are the two that work for me, the ones that
serve
me well).
The first is as soon as I notice I'm adding meaning to meaningless
things / events ie as soon as I catch myself doing it (and "as soon
as ..." is the operative / critical emphasis here) I stop
doing it. I catch myself, and I stop doing it ... that is, I stop doing
it until I do it again the next time. Look: there's no alarm we
can set on our
Androids and
iPhones
to warn us every time we add meaning to something that has no meaning.
We human beings will add meaning to things / events ... until we
realize we're doing it, and then we can choose to stop doing it ...
until we realize we're doing it again ... and so on and so on etc.
The second is I talk with someone I
trust
about what the things / events in my life mean, and she reminds me I'm
the one who's making them mean that / I'm the one who's adding meaning
that's not intrinsically there. How? She reminds me by her
presence,
by her
listening,
by who she's being, by her calm. In this regard, she's a calming
influence in my life, indeed she's one of the calming
influences in my life. She's perfectly
at home in her
experience.
And it's her
being-at-home-ness
that speaks volumes to me. All my made-up meanings evaporate like
snowflakes in a furnace
when they're in front of that way she be's. Look: some things you
impart by explaining them. Other things you impart by
demonstrating
them. The way she
coaches
me when I add meaning / make meaning that's not intrinsically there, is
she just be's not adding meaning,
demonstrating
to me the
Zen
antithetical
(if you will) of what adding meaning is.
But it's more than that. It's much more. It's even when she gives me
access
to my own being that way, leaving me unfettered by and unencumbered by
my own
meaning-making-machinery
like a possibility, she also assures me she'll be here to remind me I'm
adding / making meaning the next time I do. There surely
will be a next time because that's the way we human beings
are thrown: to add / make meaning, then to stop adding / making
meaning, and then to add / make meaning again. For us to try to never
add or make meaning when there's none, isn't an option. That would be
like
a dog trying not to be a
dog.